Bittersweet Pleas
by The Sentient Wolf
Summary: You smell of lilac soap bubbles and those ridiculous Muggle sweets you so adore. And you smell of a magic, one unique to you alone not White, not Black, but something in between. Dark fic.


Title: Bittersweet Pleas

Summary: You smell of lilac soap bubbles and those ridiculous Muggle sweets you so adore. And you smell of a magic, one unique to you alone; not White, not Black, but something in between. Dark fic.

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I wish!

Notes: Yet another fic dredged up from my twisted subconscious. Dark AD/SS slash. If you are offended, please don't read.

Also, unless you have read HBP you will not fully appreciate this.

"No ear can hear, nor tongue can tell the tortures of inward hell."

Lord Byron

"Severus…please…"

How many a night did you whisper those lethal words? Lips barely moving against mine and gnarled fingers tangled in my hair.

And I recall it all so clearly, every single detail etched into my mind, each painfully perfect moment, the seconds of pure bliss, wrapped in blinding agony.

And your eyes…drinking me in…savoring every minute…

White-fringed lids flickering in contentment, your body so close to mine that they actually brush my cheek.

A candle's flame blinking somewhere at the corner of my eye, unfocused, just out of my line of vision.

And I, pressed to your chest, feeling your heart beat steadily as I touch my fingertips to that pulse.

You, inhaling deeply as though to breathe me in; long, warm fingers leaving my hair and trailing down my insipid temple…refined jaw-line…narrow lips…

"Severus…"

Hardly daring to whisper my name, as though speaking would break the spell…for surely there is magic in the air? A charm beyond anything I have ever known, something I had never experienced before you, and never would again.

Never without you.

And you know it as well as I. I see it in your eyes; the undying passion, pure devotion, tainted with a flash of:

Sympathy?

Pity?

Culpability?

Loss?

The hold between us tightens in a sudden desperation, though I cannot tell who intensified his grasp, maybe it was I, maybe you, or possibly it was both of us in a fruitless attempt to delay the inevitable…to conquer fate.

We both know what awaits us.

We both know we cannot fight it.

We both know you will embrace it when it finally comes.

I shiver with an emotion too deep to stigmatize with mere words, and of course you sense not just my movement, but this feeling too.

Slowly your arms slide to the base of my spine as you lay me back gently. My hair clouds against silk pillows, sheer black on pure white.

The metaphor of you and me.

Your diamond blue eyes remain locked onto mine as you lean in towards me, and as you press your lips to mine your snowy hair tumbles about my shoulders, creating an illusory barrier between us and the rest of the world.

Our lips part slowly, but still you linger not an inch above me, eyes boring through my soul.

Can you not see how this is going to destroy me?

After decades of perfecting my façade; hiding my emotions, steeling myself against thoughtless sentiment, it is only you who leaves the barriers shattered at my feet.

The irony is not lost on either of us of course, for it was to oppose the Dark Lord you taught me these skills, it was hate and rage and pain you told me to be weary of.

Yet it is love and tenderness that shall be my undoing.

An agony all of its own.

"Severus…"

The way you speak my name…simply melodious; the syllables leaving your throat in a low moan, a sound bordering on distress, yet laced with absolute adoration.

Bittersweet.

Like every other night when I find myself lost in your gaze, buried in your hold, and forever angry at me, at you, at the world.

I berate myself for falling into your arms each time…for falling for you…falling _into _you…but I blame you. For the pain, the pleasure, the angst, those moments of sheer ecstasy…for making me care…

Feel…

Love?

Aspects I could never hope to comprehend, yet am forced to experience.

All because of you.

Somewhere behind your head the candle hisses and our only light dies abruptly. Your bedroom is plunged into darkness but neither of us moves.

I am sill pinned tenderly beneath you, and still you hover within a hair's breadth of my skin.

You seem to generate your own glow, your deep eyes penetrate the blackness and your hair shines around us.

Our deep gasps fall in sync and in the near silence I can almost hear the pounding of two steadily breaking hearts in perfect unison.

Your body shifts ever so slightly as you transfer your weight to your right elbow, the fingers of your good hand go back to caressing my face tenderly, tracing every line, following the path of sharp bone and deep hollow.

You try your best to mask it, but I feel your slender digits tremble faintly against my flesh.

Your eyes never leave mine and as I stare at my reflected image I wonder, yet again, why you adore me so, why you trust me, why you put me through this, why you won't just let me die.

I raise my hand to meet yours and gradually our fingers entwine, and in an instant I am clinging to you, breathing erratic, searching your eyes frantically.

I choke over the words I so desperately want to scream.

Why are you doing this to me?

Furiously I bury my face in folds of your robes, letting your arms encircle me once more.

I breathe deeply, thirstily, wanting nothing but this moment to last forever in my mind, knowing it can never in reality.

You smell of lilac soap bubbles and those ridiculous Muggle sweets you so adore. And you smell of a magic, one unique to you alone; not White, not Black, but something in between.

Your robes are laid open at the middle and carefully I glide past the fabric and press myself to your bare chest.

The heat scorches my unclothed skin, and tiny sweat beads form between us, fusing me to your flesh.

And that is how I want to forever remain; bonded to you, spiritually, emotionally…physically.

Can't you see; I don't want to be without you?

But I am indebted to you, we both know it. I owe you my life, my sanity, my deliverance.

I will do whatever you ask of me.

Because I always do.

"Severus…"

Because I know deep down it is for the best.

Your grip strengthens and you hold me with an intensity I have never witnessed before.

Because it will bring the freedom you so crave.

Of course…time is wearing thin.

Because it will allow me to move on, unhindered by the object of my growing sentiment.

I am shifted gently in your grasp until your compelling gaze is once again entangled with mine.

Because it is the only way to win.

And you draw me close, but stop just before our lips unite; your fair mane tickles my torso, leaving fine goosebumps in its wake.

Because I think I love you.

In my soul I know; tonight is the last I will spend in your embrace.

No, I think I am _in _love with you. There is a difference.

My eyes survey yours urgently and with just two words you confirm my deepest fears, you voice your greatest desires… you _destroy_ me:

"Severus…please…"

It was a great source of amusement to us both; I could always make you beg.

But I always gave you what you wanted in the end.

I never could resist you.

"Severus…please…"

Please tell me what you think. This is how I see Albus; not evil, but not the flawless saviour seen in the HP series. Hope I portrayed that well.

If you liked this warped sense of reality you should read my fic "Words Unspoken." It's AD/SS from Dumbledore's POV. I'd really appreciate it if you drop me a line about that too. You might want to try "Break" as well, very cryptic LV/SS (well that's what I had in my head when I wrote it, when I re-read it now I think it could also fit AD/SS very nicely) it's rather intense though.


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